disgustingly myself
May 13, 2026
what
if
my
mind
just
muted
i've wanted to make a blog or something similar for a while, this is my start. im confused by myself and by my life. i just want to talk and share things i like i guess. i've learned that i will be depressed for most of my life so why not share the things that make me that way. outside of that, i think im pretty fun to be around and have fun interests. even though i dont see it, i dont like myself, and dream of being someone else; people like me and want me to be here. i hope one day i also want to be here and i can see what others see of me. i feel so alone.
i wish people could see the world the way i do. i don't mean through my eyes, i mean through my brain. every positive thing has a negative behind it. that makes it mean more to me. i dont believe good things just happen, a lot of the time they happen to cover up a bad. it is easy to get distracted and focus on other things, but thats just privilege. i do not deserve the life i have, the people i know, or the experiences ive had yet i am too selfish to deny myself them.
-people will always have it worse than me, both materially and mentally, and its my responsibility to think about that. its only fair that i live a good life aware of the bad everywhere else.